A pastor recently shared with me that when one member of her youth group asked her friends what they imagined Jesus thought about them, the overwhelming answer was disappointment. Apparently, the majority of the teenagers in that group assumed Jesus and God were disappointed with them. Considering how much anxiety teenagers already carry around, it is painful to imagine that the thought of God adds to the burden, rather than lightening it. And unfortunately, this is widely true well beyond adolescence. Many still define God in terms of righteousness, sin, and punishment, and therefore God is like a perpetually disappointed parent.
I know that one of the most effective, but also emotionally fraught, parenting tactics is to say to a misbehaving child how “disappointed I am” in their behavior. I know I’ve used it a fair number of times. But psychologists have studied the effects of all this disappointment on the minds and imaginations of children, and its accumulation over time can create severe disorders and conditions.
Expectations are important, and so is accountability, but we should be careful when we use disappointment to levy right behavior, because we are likely to nurture anxiety along with obedient behavior. That is, it may work in the short term, but over the long term it can be destructive.
When you look at the life of Jesus, it is hard to find an example of Jesus speaking of disappointment, even when his closest friends and followers hurt and betrayed him. Jesus is our clearest, most perfect window into the heart and identity of God, so what we see in his life is a model for how God thinks and feels. And his method of guiding and leading is invitational and compassionate, rather than manipulative or coercive.
Just look at the story from Luke 19, which we’ll hear this weekend. It’s one of my favorites, about a tax collector of diminutive stature named Zacchaeus, who climbs up in a tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus as he passes by. His profession made him among the most reviled people in that society, because tax collectors were infamously corrupt and abusive with their power. The story says that Jesus pauses at the tree, looks up, and invites himself over to Zacchaeus’ house for dinner. “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down; for I must stay at your house today.” Rather than using disappointment as a tool to extract repentance from this reputed sinner, Jesus speaks hopefully and even joyfully, and love and mercy permeates the whole encounter. And unsurprisingly, Zacchaeus declares his intention to live fairly and generously from then on.
Jesus is the living heart of God, and his life shows us again and again that God is not disappointed in you. God loves you fervently and desperately. God wants you to experience joy and fullness of life. God isn’t waiting to punish you or spring a trap on you, because you’ve failed to live up to his expectations, but instead God returns again and again to invite you to step further onto the path of real, abundant, Kingdom-oriented life.
I wonder…is an old image or understanding of God keeping you feeling stuck up in a tree, leading you to despair and anxiety? Jesus says, “Come down from there!” He wants to stay at your house today, and walk with you tomorrow, too. He loves you. You are not a disappointment. You are his beloved child.
See you this weekend.
-Casey+